This year, 2015, is where I lost many friends, mostly to rumors about me. That I was manipulative, that I was abusive. That I couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. And in all honesty, I was. I was all that. I manipulated people, but also myself. To make myself more likable, to make people like me. I was abusive, not through actions, but through words. I cursed a lot. I couldn’t take no for an answer, I would often ask people to do stuff for me and if they said no, I would manipulate them again.
This year, 2015, is where I found out through a psychologist that I have dysthymia, as well as social anxiety and Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD for short). I finally understand what’s bothering me, and now I know what to fight against. My psychologist said I’ve had these symptoms for years, but that dysthymia is hard to ascertain, since it’s a milder version of depression, yet it remains longer. I also have DPD, which means I’m highly dependent on others, I can’t live without someone who will make choices for me, who will do things for me.
This year, 2015, more and more things have gone wrong for me. And it’s mainly my own fault. It’s also been the year where I’ve been self-guessing a lot. Where I was wondering if I should remain or not, since I was messing up the lives of the people around me and my own. I still wonder about this thing night and day. This isn’t a suicide note, however. It’s just a thing I wished for you to know. I still have my good days, my nice and happy moments, but the bad seems to outweigh the good more.
Now that I finally know what my psychologist diagnosed me with, I can say it for sure.
I have dysthymia, social anxiety and DPD.
Well ain’t that fun.
I went to the doctor today, to see if I could get a referral to a psychologist and I actually got one so I’m kinda happy now. ; v; I’ll get treated for my depression, or at least, I hope so.
Succubus bot 